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Editor at Large

Do not do these things your first day on the job

Cheryl Hyatt, an executive-search consultant based in western Pennsylvania, advises people on their first day on the job not to be late, not to talk about their pay and not to engage in gossip.

She also recommends four other things on your first day:

-- Don’t take someone else’s parking spot.

-- Do not suggest improvements.

-- Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

-- And do not turn down a lunch invitation.

All sound advice, to be sure. But, as a public service, here are other things that an employee must never do on his or her first day:

-- Don’t ask where you can safely stash a bottle of Johnnie Walker.

-- Don’t ask if it’s OK to come in late if you’re up late watching a Duck Dynasty marathon.

-- Don’t ask if you can expense cigarettes for when you really need to buckle down on a project.

-- Don’t ask to leave early every Friday to get a head start on happy hour.

-- Don’t ask if it’s OK to call out sick if you just don’t feel like working that day.

-- Don’t ask if you’re allowed to call your bookie during work hours – even if you have a sure thing.

-- And finally, don’t ask if there’s a “special” place at work where people hang out and get high.

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